bluejaybruise

Dear Mom,
I hate you.
Luckily for you and unluckily for me I also love you. For now the I love you outweighs the I hate you, but I estimate by New Years the hate will have eaten the love.
I've read, and read, and read up on how to help a meth addict and so far the best advice I've heard was to make the fear of using outweigh the fear of withdraw. Because of that I am going to make you a number of promises that WILL happen based on your behavior.
Blank has asked me to invite you to Thanksgiving at their house. I will extend the invitation to big brother and little brother, but if you get to come it will be because you are clean. The same applies to stepdad. I will try to cook too, so I pray you will come.
I would like to spend Christmas here with you, stepdad, little brother and big brother but will not if you are high.
Come New Years I will disown you should you still be returning to your drug. This will mean for the rest of my life I will not have a mother.
There will be no mother of the bride at my wedding. You will not see me when I am pregnant with your grandchild (and I only plan to have one so you must not miss it), you will not be there in the waiting room when it is born. You will never hold it, speak to it, and it will never know you. You will no be invited to a birthday and the only way you'll hear about the child is through rumors.
The child will grow thinking you never existed to save him or her or her from the pain me, big brother and little brother have had to endure throughout our lives.
If by some chance I hear you are on your death bed years from now, I will not go to see you. I will not be at the funearl, and I will not spread the ashes.
I also promise that when I am financially capable and little brother is 18 I will take him away from you. Then you will only have big brother and he will probably leave you too.
Do you want to be alone like that for the rest of your life? I know I wouldn't.

You only have one daughter, don't loose me now.

Now if I could I'd wish on stars and genies and pray to god to cure you with a snap of my fingers but it isn't that easy.
Nothing ever is.
I don't expect you to just be able to drop it without any trouble. I don't expect you not to stmuble. I don't expect you not to want to give up. I see the pain it causes you and I am willing to throw my heart, my mind, my body, my soul and everything I have into it to get you clean.
I want a mother of the bride. I want my children to have a grandmother. I want to be beside you on your death bed, and spread your ashes.
I do.
But I need you to PROVE to me that you are ready to stick it out. To get clean. FOREVER!
You are not allowed to relapse.
Ever, or all those promises will come to pass.
And I am ready to pack up and go. Don't think for a second that I'm not strong enough to move on and forget you because I am. I've always been strong to tough out all the **** that's been thrown at me. I've been strong when I should have been allowed to be weak. So don't for a second think you'll win this one.
You will not.
Don't risk loosing me because it's a risk you cannot afford to take.

I won't use guilt, or pity or blame to get you clean. Once you are I'll let you hear all of the horrible secrets I've so flawlessly kept because you were to high to realize I was falling apart.

When you need help, ask! Ask and I will do everything I can to help you within reason.

Finally.
You have to be clean by Thanksgiving. You have 30 days.
You have to be clean by Christmas. You have 62 days.
You must be clean by December 31st, 2012 in 69 days and never, ever go back to the drugs or you will loose me forever

Sincerely,
The daughter you will loose in 69 days.


Names have been omitted for privacy reasons. Thoughts are appreciated. I need to give her the letter today.