Originally Posted by
lillamy 
Thumper, I think no addiction has to be point one. With addiction, everything else goes away. Including compatibility and friendship...
I agree here. I used to consider my AH my best friend as well, despite his abusiveness early on in our marriage.
Just below, Chris asked what the triggers are and I'm confused. Is he calling us bitchy, nagging, sex withholding, belittling, etc? Because, if so, I think that's lumping a whole lot of people into one category.
Am I bitchy? Nope, and my AH has never accused me of it either.
Do I nag? Nope, I work really hard to NOT nag. Again, it's something my AH compliments me on.
Sex withholding? YEP, you betcha. Who wants to have sex with someone who lies to you, breaks promises, blames you for their problems, and the takes your sexual pain from your past and turns it against you to make him look like the victim? Honestly, I physically have reactions to just being near my AH if it gets too close because he has hurt me so deeply. I physically feel that 'fight or flight' adrenaline response and get sick to my stomach. It sucks and I need to work through it, but the pain is deep and I just have no desire to be intimate with anyone at this point. Put some hot actor in front of me and I'd just sit there. I'd get nothing out of it.
Belittling? Nope, that's not my style. My dad belittled the crap out of me. I may complain, I may criticize, but I don't belittle.
Maybe I took his post wrong, though, so you guys can enlighten me!