I only have one child old enough to date, but what I tell all my kids is to marry their best friend. Because companionship, compatibility, and respect don't go away. Looks, money, position, six-pack abs, cute hair, it can all go away in a heartbeat.
I agree with almost every word you write on SR but not this one - sorry
My ex and I were great companions. We were compatible, got along, were great friends. I divorced basically the same man I married. Being best friends was not enough for me to build a life. I found I needed a lot of other stuff that my ex doesn't really have, alcoholism or not.
Which sort of gets me back to the point someone else made: Until the alcoholism is dealt with, all other healing is impossible.
I agree. I talked to my counselor about what I perceived as my faults, the mistakes I had made. I'm sure my ex told her too because he saw her before I did. After our four joint sessions she said that our relationship problems were fixable - BUT - she wouldn't see us for a single other joint session until my ex was enrolled in some kind of recovery program.
I'm not perfect. I wasn't perfect in that marriage. But the problems of that marriage were rooted in alcoholism.
I hear you. I'm quite sure I could ruin a relationship all on my own without alcoholism. I'm terrible at communication, don't trust, keep secrets, don't let people close, run from true intimacy, blah blah blah. I will for sure own my part in the relationship dysfunction but I did not cause that man to drink. No way.