I reject any idea that a spouse can control, cure or cause an alcoholic to drink.
I reject the idea that if we, the nondrinking spouse, would just TRY HARDER to make the marriage happy and to communicate with the alcoholic that things would get better. This whole idea places the blame or the success for recovery on the non-drinking spouse. This is absurd.
Marriage counseling can't 'cure' alcohlism any more than it can cure cancer or any other disease. Unless and until the alcoholism is treated and the non-drinking spouse is in recovery, marriage counseling isn't going to fix anything. And if it's done by someone who doesn't understand the disease concept of alcoholism, I think it can be very detrimental to the non-drinking spouse. Because ideas like the one stated above...that an unhappy marriage triggers drinking...puts the onus on the sober spouse and gives the drinking spouse an excuse to carry on.
Some people are blessed to have a spouse that finds recovery. That's wonderful. It's a miracle, actually. But not everyone is so blessed. I wasn't so blessed. And no one wanted their marriage to work more than me. Trust me. But sometimes, aloochol destroys everything that is sacred.
For those of you who have a spouse that found recovery, I'm happy for you. I just hope you remember that if your spouse starts drinking again it won't be because of anything YOU said or did. The same holds true if he stays sober. It won't be because of YOU. You aren't that powerful. None of us are. The cure for alcoholism is an INSIDE JOB. Period.