I don't think alcoholism is to blame for everything, but it makes it near impossible to address other issues.
I know it does! But when we're in therapy we need to get as much out of it for ourselves as we can! Our therapist doesn't want us to talk about addiction. JEEZ - I was just befuddled the first two session. I mean isn't this ALL about HIS addiction. He kept saying that is a worn-out conversation, neither of you is listening anymore.
So, we started taking about everything else. Much to my unhappiness. "Let's focus on HIM, HE'S the problem." But as we know, that's not the entire picture. I was reading this great book called "Getting Your Loved One Sober" and they mentioned how important it is to improver your communication in marriage, how an unhappy marriage also triggers drinking. I know, Catch 22. SO, for the last nearly 2 months we've talked about everything else and you know what? It feels good. It feels like getting down beneath the elephant is starting the heal us. We're relearning how to talk, how to listen. I'm hearing how he feels, he has legitimate gripes. He's human, he's not an "A" label, he's a man. And yes, he's become addicted and working on sobriety. And I've got my stuff, too.
I have very clear boundaries with him and one of those was therapy. He's not living in the house with me now. Not until I feel comfortable. Everything is on the table.
If we're in therapy - we need to look at OURSELVES. We're not perfect, we trigger stuff in them, too. We've been codependent in our past and are still healing our own addiction to fixing people and always being right. I say, if you're in therapy use it. Go deep with our own issues. If we leave this man - we will be faced with our issues again next time around. If we can learn valuable insights about ourselves, grab it. Might as well heal that part of us - now!
I guess I also see that therapists question as - What do I want in
myself?
