None of us is without any blame in our relationship with our A. That much is certain. We have all played one role or another. That's not what this is about, though. Lizatola was asked what SHE wanted in a relatiomship, and what SHE wanted from her AH. I think many of us have gone into abusive relationships knowing these things, but then we let ourselves slowly get sucked in and lose sight of our former selves. Then we get wrapped up in the manipulation and lies, and we start acting in ways that are enabling to our A, and it just cycles around. There is absolutely nothing wrong with Lizatola being able to put herself first, since that is what was asked of her. Part of MC is defining your needs and your partner defining their needs, and going from there.
We also have to remember though, that one half of this scenario is an A. You can't treat an irrational thing rationally, no matter how hard you try. So, I think what the counselor is getting at is that she needs to figure out if she is willing to sacrifice what she wants from her AH and the relationship in order to accept him for who he is, and vice versa. I personally couldn't do it, but I'm not her. And the last I remember, this was about her.