Originally Posted by
Kimmieh 
I find it really hard to work on relationship issues with someone whose personality changes all the time and who hurts my feelings and destroys my trust to get booze (and lashes out at me in anger). I don't think alcoholism is to blame for everything, but it makes it near impossible to address other issues.
Agreed.
To address what WishingWell asked: I know my AH's needs aren't being met, but he keeps moving the mark. One day he seems to want June Cleaver, the next day he wants Pamela Anderson, and the next day he wants someone else. I just want him to want me FOR ME.
I would love to meet his needs, I did that for years, and now that trust is shot it's going to take a long time to rebuild it and he's going to have to do his side of the street maintenance. The things he's said over the past year or so have cut me to my core, tore away at my self-esteem, and made me feel inferior. As much as I want to meet his needs, I find it near impossible to go there at this point until he finds real sobriety. The lies and everything else alky have made it difficult for me to take down enough walls to meet his needs. And, I've told him this on numerous occasions as gently as I could.