yep....I actually do.....8 days. Going through some withdrawal right now too. Still wishing that I could find some way to use "my drug" but no matter how much I squirm it I know that it will never end well.
I can feel myself in the anhedonia....where I wonder if live will ever feel so alive again as when I was interacting with my ex. I've been through it enough times to know what it is and to power on through it though. And then...to remember next time I want to "use" (otherwise have ANY sort of interaction with him) and NOT DO IT. Last week I thought we could have a conversation to sort through a situation involving our respective sons being on the same church basketball team.
You know when I knew I was emotionally drunk - yet again? When he said "you don't care whether I live or die, do you?" And I said no. Even if I meant it I should never have said that. Is it true? No comment. Is it kind? Absolutely not. Was it necessary? Not really.
So....white chip #5million and 2....once again....