Originally Posted by
kyles 
I don't know if I'm ready to open up all those emotions I've been trying to push away for a while.
I completely understand that hesitation.
My EXAH called me in 1989 (I had left him in 1986 after I successfully completed inpatient rehab and relocated).
He was in an outpatient program (court-ordered) and they were going to have a family night. For whatever reason, there were no family members of his able to participate, so I reluctantly agreed to come.
I found myself in a large room where all of the people required to attend were parolees. I was very uncomfortable, and when I was asked if I had anything to say in regard to EXAH's addiction and how it had affected me, I shut down. I just said being there was uncomfortable and I had nothing to say.
My mind was racing all the way home because I was having flashbacks to the hell I used to live in with him. It was so overwhelming, and there I was, 3 years after leaving him and I still had all that crap buried deep within.
It took me years and years to finally deal with all of the emotions from that marriage. I did it on my time, and with people I trusted and who genuinely cared for me.
Be gentle with yourself, and not going is always an option for you, dear.
Sending you hugs of support!
