I was told in April this year by my doctor that my liver was on a fence. If I stop drinking it will heal. Maybe not fully but it will start. If I don't he is certain that the fatty liver will continue to deteriorate. my levels and iron and blah blah blah are not blah blah blah.
That's what I started to hear. Blah blah blah. Like a kid with his fingures in his ears going LA LA LA LA LA I can't hear you!
I joined this site after a desperate web search. I said to my partner I need your help to stay sober. And I made an earnest attempt.
Ha! Really?
I have struggled publicly on SR, and in front of the people at the bar I go to for six long months.
The constant disappointment, shame and guilt of failures large and small.
I was lucky that in any given month I was sober for a total of 10 - 15 days on average. Not exactly a stellar showing.
The liver? Well it was checked in August. Not a lot changed. I did nothing to help myself.
I hardly knew I failed. Over the six months I thought "yeah man, Ken's doing this. I have got this under control!"
But when I looked back over the posts on SR and saw people here that were REALLY doing it I realized, sadly, I was not.
I am a competitor. No one tells ken he cannot do something. Not even me.
So October 1st I changed it all up. I put being sober, really, as number 1 in my life. Above my partner for the first time. I joined AA because, while I bashed it at first, I find I need to be with people. More over I needed a place to go. An action that requires me to acknowledge what I need to do. A plan of actions to execute.
How do I know I put this first? Even above my relationship? Because I leave him sitting on the couch every evening. Even when he clearly wishes I was home with him. And I have no guilt. This is for me. Go get your own sobriety. This ones mine.
So while I did have two very minor slips this month it is the 18th! And I have only a few hours of drunk time and a whole lot of sober time!
I am doing well physically, and when it comes to emotionally..... Lol.... The jury is out on that one.
The combination of SR and AA and my own determination appears to be the golden ticket for me.
I am establishing new routines. The desire to go to the bar after work has been replaced with who will I see at the meeting? What will I say?
Weekends are still my tough spot but I will get them tamed.
Thanks SR! All my friends here! Just thought I would share my progress.
K