Gracey

I wanted him to stay home.......but for all the wrong reasons........I have alot of insecurities in the past that I now recognize.......(that is progress for me).

This is a huge problem of mine........I get crazy when I know he is going out........I have always been this way........I dont think I have ever trusted him.......I have suffocated him.......I dont want him to do anything without me........

Because of my mom's affair she had......I think my parents must have had the same problems.......I would bet that my dad didnt want my mom going anywhere.......and vise versa..........It must have been drilled in my mind that it wasnt normal for a husband and wife to do seperate things.........I am teaching my kids that, my six year old before my husband left.......was saying bad daddy, bad daddy......and my husband said......why are you saying that.......and she didnt answer him and just kept saying bad daddy, bad daddy........what am I teaching my children. I am hoping me seeing this is another step forward.....I panicked lastnight........If I dont stop this obsessive behavior.....I am going to teach my child what my parents taught me......this cycle has to stop........I have to tell my children I am wrong........I have to tell them it is normal......to be seperate individuals and to be your own person.......and to be independent.......If I keep this up I am going to very much have a codie for children.......my girls are going to think.......there husbands can never go anything without them.....and if you dont keep a tight rain on them......they are going to leave.........God Im sick............

I told him I was sorry lastnight........I told him that this is all my fault.....and that I have to deal with this somehow........but because of the past I have a very hard time trusting anything........but I think it is my past before I was ever married.......I think it was from my past I cant remember........but this is what I was taught subconsciously and I am acting it out as an adult.....thinking for so long this was normal to never do anything apart........and it was abnormal.......to be seperate individuals.......and go hang with are friends without the other.......