Broken, I don't know if you've ever tried any meetings, Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that are about "us" and finding our balance and learning healthier ways to live. They have helped many of us find clarity again and they may help you. Maybe give them a try.
I know it hurt to let this go, it's more than the relationship, it's your dreams too. But I promise you that this dream would become a nightmare very soon if not already.
Good things await you when you get to new beginnings. You sound like you have a good education and you will have a promising life. Don't sell yourself short, you deserve someone who will bring as much to a relationship as you do, and that will include trust and good health.
Hugs