Yup, it's the beast all right.
The beast says "Things aren't that bad, really. You go to work every day, you're respected and appreciated by your coworkers, supervisors and customers. You support your family, maintain your home and pay your bills (mostly) on time. You sacrifice your own comfort and happiness because the kids (almost) always come first. You do this on your own without support. You deserve a break! Who would deny you this escape? It's your choice, your body. At the very least, you can come with me and escape when at last no one else needs you. Well, at least they can certainly get along without you."
The addictive voice is compelling because it uses what I know to be true to make a very compelling argument. I know this.
I think perhaps the issue is that I feel stuck right now.
Like... if I didn't have to be the sole support, perhaps I wouldn't feel the need to escape.
Sounds like I'm blaming it on the kids and I'm not. I chose to have these kids, I chose to get divorced, I chose to be where I am today. But I feel crappy saying it anyhow.
"Any thought or idea that supports plans to drink now or in the future is the AV."
Therefore, the beast is happy to blame it on the kids.
Got it.
So this didn't go anywhere near where I wanted to go, but wth, I'll post anyway.