If he wants to make his relationship with his daughter a priority in his life, he'll go see her. Not a priority over you - just a priority.
I suspect he has some repair work to do with her if he wants that relationship to grow.
As the parent he'll have to take the first steps, and IMO that is the way it should be even though she is 19.
I think your feelings about what you've been put through are totally valid.
I'm having a hard time relating to either one of you getting so bent out of shape by taking one day off to go do something on your own much less to go see your own children. That doesn't seem all that unreasonable. I suppose each couple is different and each individual has different needs in that regard.