Hugs to you Liz.
I went through a very similar car situation right and my ex and I decided to start the divorce process. I had car troubles and he behaved just like your husband. It was not about the money - it was about my ex wanted to exert control over me.
Our fights were rarely, if ever, about money or chores... The root of the problem was our desire to exert control over each other. And mostly my x getting abusive because I was typically one or two steps ahead... And he hated that.
I'm so glad you aren't going on the trip. You are moving in a great direction with your recovery
