Originally Posted by Eddiebuckle

Cali,

Consider how you phrased each of the sentences in this post.

You have qualified your boundaries, minimized your thought processes and the value of your love in light of his actions and addiction. It almost sounds as though you think that "if only" you could figure yourself out, if only he didn't get a DUI, if only he would change, if only he will stay away from a drink... you could change all of this. You are strong, intelligent, loving and worthy. Unfortunately none of these qualities have any impact on his drinking.

None of those qualities in your husband will have any impact on his drinking either if he is an alcoholic who continues to drink, and clinging to the "if only" mirage will allow alcoholism to continue to rob you of the most precious thing any of us have: time to live, love and learn.

It is our miguided belief in the mirage that keeps us on the merry-go-round of addiction. When we truly understand and accept that we are powerless over the disease, and give up trying to manage it, then we can begin to respond differently and to heal.

Keep reading and posting, Cali. There are many amazing people with stories very similar to yours that now are living lives that previously were unimaginable. You can make your way through this, and recover the life that you deserve.

Good luck,
Eddie