lizatola

So, the time is finally here when AH is going on his work vacation to Costa Rica. There's a part of me that's proud of myself for deciding not to go with him and there's another part of me that's depressed that I am missing out on a 5 star vacation.

I am planning a trip back east to go visit my mom, shortly after he gets back from his trip and I'm really looking forward to it. But, Virginia can't compare to ziplining through the Rain Forest or laying around reading on the beach, LOL!

AH and I haven't talked about it much. I've made it clear that I don't feel emotionally safe around him and that I didn't want to spend 6 days straight with him and put up a front in front of all his co-workers, pretending that everything is perfect between us, etc. And, even though he currently professes he's not drinking I didn't want to be around to see it if he does decide to tie one on.

I keep reminding myself of all the stress these trips have cost me year after year. My mom used to fly in(on her own dime) to watch our son for us and AH would rant and rave and complain about my mom for weeks prior to the trip. He'd go off about her inability to find the airport in a strange city and how he didn't want to pay to leave our car there so why can't my mom just get a freakin' map and figure it out. He'd throw her under the bus and I'd sit there and defend her and point out(repeatedly) that she is doing us a favor and that we should be quite grateful that she's taking a week out of her own time to come watch our son. I would be so drained by his complaining that I'd be hardly even looking forward to the trip. AH also complained about the fact that he had to watch what he says on these trips because you never know who's sitting next to you and who might overhear your private conversations, etc.

Sigh, I guess there's still a part of me that wants to go on the trip but it's really my selfish desire to sit on the beach and be catered to, LOL! I'm not at the point yet where I want to go to actually spend quality time with AH so I'm trying to put a positive spin on things and I'm hoping to take our son up north to do some hiking(give him a day off school) so that I can do something enjoyable for me, too. I'm also planning a massage for myself, as well!