I had my first counseling appointment yesterday. It was good but interesting when my drinking came up (I brought it up to get it out of the way).
ME: Well, yes, XYZ happened a little over a year ago and I'm struggling with it. And I guess I'll put it out there since I'm sure it'll come up in discussion at some point. I drank alot but no longer do. But because of XYZ event, I feel as if I'm struggling with certain things.
HER: Let's discuss the drinking.
ME: I drank a lot. I no longer do. It's no longer an issue. But XYZ is.
HER: What do you mean it's not a problem? How did you reach a point where it's no longer a problem?
ME: I made the choice to never drink again, so I don't.
HER: Just like that?
ME: Yes.
HER: How? How did you do that? I don't understand.
At this point, I'm thinking "We have 50 minutes. I laid out what the problem is I wanted to discuss (XYZ) and what is NOT a problem (Drinking) and she wants to waste valuable time discussing something that is resolved?
ME: I used Rational Recovery methods and AVRT. I tried AA, it didn't work for me.
HER: How didn't AA work for you?
ME: It's very negative. It kept me focused on the 'problem' to the exclusion to everything else. But my drinking isn't the problem. XYZ is.
HER: Did you go to enough meetings?
ME: Yes. Hundreds. Basically, my meetings showed me that I am hopeless, never going to get better, I am horribly flawed and in need of someone else to make my decisions. I was taught that I am emotionally, spiritually and mentally sick. But I'm not. I drank too much. I decided I no longer wanted to drink, so I no longer drink. That simple. It was an urge. I get urges daily. I don't act on them. I don't hit on my friend's hot husband. I don't cuss out the checker at the store who is taking forever. And I don't drink.
HER: Interesting.
At this point I realized one thing: In so many facets of our life, we are taught to be self-empowered and that we have the ability to get through things on our own accord. We may rely on others for a bit to get the necessary tools to do it, but in the end, it's up to us. But when it comes to addiction, it's a whole different ballgame. We are taught "Once an addict, always an addict. It's a disease we cannot get rid of.
But it's not true. Many people, every day, recover from addiction on their own. They reach that point of saying "This is enough. I'm done" and they are.
I have a friend who quit drinking 5 years ago. She laid there one night and said "I'm done" and she hasn't had a drink since. The same with an ex-boyfriend. He was walking because one of his drug buddies stole his car. He decided "I'm done" and hasn't used in almost 6 years.
I'm sorry if I'm rambling. But my point is this: I'm no longer consider myself in recovery. I am a person who drank and now I'm a person who doesn't drink.
I am also not a "dry" drunk. Because one thing I have realized very strongly over the past few weeks is this: personal issues that need to be worked on for me were present way before I ever picked up a drink. I will work on those imperfections to be a better person. But it's not a part of my recovery, it's just part of being a mature adult.