I am going to copycat jg. Something I learned at a meeting.
"Don't let a sick person run your life".
My mind keeps telling me that my AH can/will never be the person I need him to be, but my heart tells me otherwise -
Question--was he ever the person you needed him to be?
I keep holding on to this stupid hope that I can somehow convince him to change. I don't mean by his drinking, I've come to terms that I cannot change that. I'm talking about him being there for me emotionally, physically. I know he won't/can't be and I'm insane for thinking I can convince him otherwise -
Well hell Jess, you just answered your own question. To add a little to it. In order for him to be there for you in every aspect, the booze must go. He's having a hard enough time functioning now. It would be impossible for him to be any kind of support for you.
so HOW DO I STOP????
You can stop it. It's totally up to you. You control what you want to be a part of your life. Yeah, low self esteem plays an important part, but going to meetings and reading literature on dependency, self esteem, etc. will give you a grander view of how to handle the situation.
He still manages to turn it on me and my "low self-esteem" that I expect too much.
He can only turn it on you if you let him. Same as above. Try ignoring him. Make pretend he's not even there. Which he probably isn't. Physically, emotionally and mentally.
I want to move on, I'm tired of being in limbo....
Get along little doggie, get along. One of the sorriest things about this damned disease is that we always feel that we deserve all the sh** they dish out to us. And we don't. We're probalby the only ones who don't deserve to be treated like this. We're great, supportive people and love everyone. Try loving yourself.
Hugs, Kathy