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Old 10-09-2012, 08:26 AM
  # 18 (permalink)  
cli
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 78
Originally Posted by caligirl71 View Post
I wish it was..obviously not. I can't figure myself out. I always said a DUI would be my bottom. Now I'm thinking this will change him and make him see he needs to change. Even though I love him, if he starts to drink again I have to divorce him..it is so sad...
Oh, Caligirl, I am so sorry. I've been in that spot, and it is tragic to love a self-destructive person so much. But if his destruction starts to become your destruction, then you'll have to make that painful decision. No one knows how far down "rock bottom" is, and you probably don't want to be there when it really does happen. Believe me, it can get a lot worse.

I know it's hard to step back and look at it coldly, but you now still have a chance to protect yourself from ruin. My newbie perception of boundaries is that they're not necessarily dramatic black-and-white ultimatums. Theoretically, as it stands now, he could have a single sip of beer and basically serve you divorce papers. But what is YOUR "rock bottom"? Would it be being lied to? Broken promises? Or taking on all the financial burden if he lost his job? What is it that you can't live with?

Keep in mind that my RAXBF eventually cost me my home, my life savings, and even my own job. And he might not even have hit his "rock bottom" yet! Even he admits that... Just a cautionary tale, to remind you to look out for yourself, no matter how much you love him. Sadly, addiction might be the one thing that love alone can't conquer.
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