Dear caligirl, The thing about setting boundries or issuing ultimatums is that you have to be prepared to follow through---otherwise it sends the message that your words are meaningless.
Please learn all you can about the nature of this disease. This disease is not "logical" in the traditional sense.
At alanon you will find help for yourself in coping with this--from people who will understand as few others can.
Keep your faith....and come here to post as often as you need.
dandylion