Thanks for your post. I came accross AVRT through a buddy and it was literally like I woke up! I did wake up. I thought the beast was me! So I did what it told me. When IT told me my relationship was going to end so you'd better drink to cope! I did. HAHA. Then it told me you've been paid today. You deserve a drink and a few stones on the pipe. So I did. And I'd end up completely demoralised wondering why I kept buying my own lies....Then RR told me what I;m listening to isn't me, it's the beast! I love that! Cause that's exactly what it is!! It's only goal is survival and as soon as I read that I woke up and recognised it as a seperate voice. Not me! But IT! I have never felt freedom like I do now. I don't feel I have to do a hundred things a day or I'll relapse. Or cling on for dear life. Or live like a dry drunk or victim.
The beast is still very much alive, but I just recognise IT, 'You again' and move on. So now IT comes in by throwing me a bit of paranoya, fear, anxiety, anger! And a couple of times I've bought into it and very quickly see the beast rolling like a freight train towards the idea of a drink. Cause IT loves getting drunk and smoking crack! and when i did IT says, MMMORRRE!!! and I said, 'What is wrong with me!!! through sobbing tears!' Some party! In all my attempts to stay sober, I've never felt as free as I do now!