I read the guidelines so hope I don't break any rules
anyway, I was in chat tonight and FreshStart brought up AVRT. I had heard of it before but had no clue what it was. So I read. And OMG! It was the single most amazing thing I ever read. It made so much sense. It took all these thoughts and ideas I have been having and put them into words for me.
I always referred to my drinking as a beast or an imp. At times, I didn't just hear my beast, I felt it. This clawing, crazy thing inside of me saying "JUST DRINK NOWWWWW"
I tried another road to recovery. But it was still lacking and I fought so much of it. Because it went against everything I actually believed and practiced in my sober life.
I am so grateful right now. So unbelievably grateful to have found something that works so perfectly for who I am as a person.
As I said to FreshStart, it's just a thing. A THING. And at that moment, something broke free in me.
I no longer have to live in shame or fear of this "disease" because there is no disease. There is an urge, a thing, and I can tell it to shut the hell up.
I always wondered "I am so strong, I have moved past so much, why not alcoholism? Why can't I get rid of it" I finally realized tonight that my other roads to recovery never allowed me to get rid of it, but manage it. That gave IT too much power. IT controlled ME.
My beast is meowing tonight and confused. I'm not naive enough to think It will stay that way. But I know feel as if I have some control over this.
I could write so much more but I just want to introduce myself and say thank you.