Originally Posted by
ReadyAndAble 
Hi, Athena, welcome to SR. I can totally relate to your post; I had a lot of the same doubts and conflicting feelings. It was all part of the process of evaluating my relationship with alcohol. I think it's terrific you're taking a look at that, too.
I know a lot of alcoholics who could do that. Under AVRT it doesn't actually prove anything; in the big scheme of things, you're still doing the Beast's bidding. The Beast loves it when people set rules. Because every single rule you could possibly create—with the sole exception of the Big Plan—is a rule that supports future drinking. That's the definition of AV, right there.
Me.. I was never that good at sticking to the rules. Luckily, it turned out as much as I dreaded the idea of quitting forever, it turned out to be far easier than any half-measures.
As for the hedonist stuff... I used to see myself as a free spirit, even a bit of a rogue. Now I realize that became a way to rationalize my drinking. It made my addiction sound almost charming. I'm glad I left it behind. I certainly enjoyed the self-image when I was younger, but it doesn't age well, lol...
I totally agree with Soberlicious about the ho-hum reality of drinking and drugging. Another SR friend of mine recently described her decision to quit drinking as the most radical and rebellious thing she could do. I totally get what she means.
Drinking is common, and so are people who drink to excess. Being abstinent and loving it? That's serious badassery.
In the last 7 days, I only drank on one. Insomnia has been a mofo, but all is well other than that.
I've learned this week that my anxiety has simply been a weird hangover symptom thingie/phenomenon. (I drank Wed, and had anxiety sensations [not thoughts] for about 3 hours on Thurs.) If that persists as a permanent feature of drinking no matter how infrequently, I almost definitely will quit for good. That's more time feeling significantly bad than significantly good.
My problem with the big plan still is that I just don't feel ambivalent. I don't feel uncomfortable thinking about never drinking again. I know I could choose that and that it wouldn't be difficult, even. I just really have no desire to make that choice as of right now, although it's always on the table.