Hi Charon,
Thank you for your insight. I agree with you that the concept of holding others responsible is not something everyone does. In fact; probably not the majority of people.
But I will admit, that there have been times in my life when I have felt I would not be in certain situations ( i.e. a hole) if it had not been for a series of events that put me there; and oh yeah…. I wasn’t responsible for all those events; other people contributed (they helped put me in that hole !!!)
As a family member (my husband is headed toward 6 months clean now); I found myself separated from him, all alone with our infant son. I made some bad choices with my life; didn’t turn to substances, but I still compromised my own core values. And then when I fell into my hole….. there was a point where I felt none of this would have happened IF it wasn’t for the actions of my husband. If he hadn’t got involved with drugs, a series of events would not have befallen me; and I never would have made the bad choices for myself.
So part of my healing was accepting that I was responsible for my own actions regardless of anything that my husband did in his life. He was not responsible at all ! And once I was able to see that, then I realized I alone had the power to get out of my hole; and also I was able to let go of any resentment that I had been holding against my husband.