I had to let go of the fantasy too. That's when I realized I am going to be ok. Now, some days I don't feel ok, and that's ok because this is a very painful thing to go through. Allowing yourself to feel without giving into the need to immediately fix those feelings with something unhealthy is also a sign of strong recovery.
You are going to be ok. And chances are, an even better version of yourself then you were before. Stay strong!
~T