ah, I wasnt the cool wife, but I had a brief stint as "the cool mom". At one time in my life I gave my son a key to my apartment so he could come over and feed my cats when I was traveling for business. I stocked the refrigerator with soda pop and had chips there.... thinking he and a friend would come over, maybe watch some TV etc.
WELLLL (DUH) they had gigantic parties with booze, girls, drugs....everything
Al anon, Nar Anon, reading the postings here, reading everything you can on co -dependency really will make a difference in your life and your way of handling things.
Lots of hugs and love. You've come to a good place.
Barb