I'm so sorry to hear your story, but yes all of these stories do sound very similar.
I don't think my axbf meant to hurt anyone with his drinking, it's a compulsion which he lost control over. I don't think he will quit nor does he have any desire to quit, he has never set foot in an AA meeting.
It's true you cannot change him and the only person you can change is yourself. I wonder if you can find a job, at least you would have more options and you wouldn't feel trapped.
It is truly sad how this disease causes everyone to suffer. I remember my ex telling me he should be able to drink however much he wants and I should shut up about it. One night after we had an argument about his drinking he went straight down to the bar. I can honestly say that nagging, begging and pleading never did a thing to help. I'd definitely recommend Al-anon, I've never been to a meeting but I have read some of the books.