Originally Posted by
JenT1968 
Why is it a good thing for you if he was at church to play-act at being the "good, godly husband and father" and was in a bad mood the whole time: you are being grateful for scraps, and rotten, moody, play-acting scraps at that. Essentially all he did was sat in a chair in a room in a bad mood.
There may be a time when you have to realise that he is not the person you want. All the words in the world don't change the fact that essentially you want a relationship with someone other than him. It appears you are trying to reconcile this by asking him to change into the person you want. He also wants to be with someone who is different to you, and is trying to reconcile that by asking you to change into the person he wants.
I understand this because this is what exAH and I did.
Did I say I was grateful for that? I don't think so. I just pointed out that he came to church with us. Quite frankly, I would have rather he stayed at home because I think his motivation wasn't right but that's his choice, and who am I to judge someone else's reason for attending services? I didn't tell him he can't come to church, but I didn't make a big deal about him going and neither did my son.
And, you are absolutely right. He is not the person I want so I either need to learn to live with what I've got or end this charade. I get that, I just haven't 'felt' the pull to make that change yet. It is something that I walk with my Higher Power with daily, asking for clarity, for guidance, and for the right time for everything to be revealed.