Originally Posted by sesh

OK, let's say his recovery was completely sincere (maybe it was, maybe it wasn't - no one but him knows that) it doesn't matter. Because I don't think you're angry just because of it, that comment was maybe just a tip of an iceberg. You have much bigger problem than that: his alcoholism.

I don't think you husband is in recovery, he is maybe just not drinking as often as before and calling it recovery. You can not do sobriety occassionllly, slipping from it every now and than. I think that is your main problem: living with an A.
And that is hard and overwhelming: that's why instead of focusing on it, and than doing something about it, we tend to put oursevles in position where we can not see the forrest from the trees.
He said this, and than you said that, and than he did or did not applogize, and maybe it was sincere and maybe it wasn't - thinking about things that way is doing nothing but clouding your mind, and making you unable to see the whole picture.

Don't get me wrong, I undesrtand it perfectly, I did it myself for years, because I was not ready to deal with a real, biggest and quite simple problem in my life: my A is an A. And by deal with it I mean - figuring out my life is miserable, and I am angry because I can not live like that any longer. I don't want to live like that any longer. And than I would have to do something about it.

It is so much easier to slip back into denial, to find reasons to believe he is trying when he is not. taking off those rose colored glasses is really hard. I think harder than anything I ever had to do. But once I did there was no turning back. I had to keep going, it was getting harder and harder until it finally started getting better. There is no other way than that.
The way you're living now can go on for ever. can you do that? Do you want to do that?

If he is true to his recovery, he doesn't need your help, he doesn't need anything from you. He'll stick to it no matter what.

I hope this doesn't sound too harsh.

take care