My exah's 'apologies' used to be: "I'm sorry that {fill in the blank} made you so angry".
He used the word 'sorry' so it sounds like an apology on the surface...but it wasn't an apology at all. I understand NOW that this was probably the best apology he could put together. He was (still is) an alcoholic. He didn't want to stop drinking. All the rehabs in the world (there were four) ...all the AA meetings...all the late night promises that this time he would quit...didn't mean anything because in the end...he was an alcoholic...and he wanted to keep drinking. Period.
I wanted him to see how his disease was harming him, our marriage and our son. I wanted him to want to quit drinking.
He wanted something different. He wanted to keep drinking and he wanted me to find a way to be okay with it.
This battle of wills went on for years.
After a while, his 'apologizes' stopped meaning anything because the behavior never changed. His words were empty. Somewhere along the line, the hugs and kisses and "I love yous" (there were always PLENTY of these) stopped feeling loving and began feeling manipulative. The kind and loving gestures weren't enough because my exah was still an alocoholic who continued to drink. And because alcoholism is a progressive disease, his behavior and thoughts became more and more irrational and erratic. And although living with alcoholism is hard in almost every respect, I think the single most painful moment for me was when I FINALLY realized that I couldn't go back and things would never be the same between us. I could never trust him fully again because of all the lies and manipulation. I could never feel safe with him again emotionally. I would always have to be 'on guard'. There is a certain point of no return. Once we pass it, all the apologies and thoughtful and loving words in the world won't change things.
I can only speak of my experience. you've got to find your own path. maybe you can find a way to accomodate his disease in your marriage and relationship. doing so comes at a cost, however, There is ALWAYS a cost when alcoholism and addiction are involved. What price are you willing to pay to maintain the status quo?