Thread: I need advice
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Old 09-22-2012, 10:51 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
RobbyRobot
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
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I don't failure-test myself in my non-drinking lifestyle. I'm not interested in knowing how far is too far. I don't care about being a super sober hero in all situations. I always pick my fights, and I don't bring a knife to a gunfight, lol.

I trust myself, and I respect my weaknesses as well as my strengths. My journey is not about being the next poster child for been there and done that.

When my Beast howls thru my AV, I always take a moment to remember when I didn't hear that howling, didn't know what was what, and didn't stay sober because my AV was, back when, invisible to me. My AV radar now never takes a powder, and always gives me what I need to know when I need to know it, and what is what, while still moving forward.

Knowing AV in itself though is not enough, for me. I also need to take action, and be responsible for being the best that i can be, whilst living my day to day life in satisfaction and happiness, or too, whilst within struggles and turmoils as well...

Simply, if i can't listen to my AV from a place of sureness and conviction of purpose in not drinking, then I don't go to that whatever and whenever engagement. I pass on it, and just get on with what is next on the menu.

I suppose in theory, one can get to a place where one never drinks, no matter the situation, the temptations, the consequences, etc...

For me, I don't care about all that. I care about being authentic with myself. If I knew I was going to drink because of whatever, then I wouldn't be doing whatever. No problemo.

I hope you and your husband can soon, and with mutual understanding, talk about your decisions, Pam.
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