I don't have any wisdom about this that I can think of right now but I do thank you from deep in my heart for you sharing this. I read strength in your words, which I need right now, so I'm actually borrowing strength from you and your honesty. I so appreciate the story of his relapse because it brings reality and clarity to my mind, to fight the denial I have been in for the last 2 and a half years of my life about AXBF.
I am sorry your spouse relapsed. Your Acceptance of the situation shows how far you must have come in your own recovery. (((hugs)))