Hi Florence,
So sorry that you are at this place with you A ... sigh... I remember so well my XA building up to drink (BUD) and my even pointing the huge danger signs but as you already know we cannot control their choices.
The last time my XA was budding it had been almost a full year like yours and honestly it was like it had built up pressure like a volcano! Unlike your A mine went manic and off the chain and was in Las Vegas for 3 months and then checked himself into rehab out west for 2 months and then a sober living house for one month. Since then he has relapsed again...
LIke you I had been in recovery and knew I didn't have another relapse in me... I had clearly communicated that I had alcohol free boundaries and when he lost it I packed him up and moved him out for good.
That was in February and of course there was the chaos by phone and quacking incessantly that I ignored and eventually blocked. But I stuck to my guns and stayed NC and it was the best move I ever made in my entire life!
I have changed my life... moved from HIS dream home that we lived in for 10 days before he relapsed and I got stuck with the bills to MY DREAM HOME on the water!
I know it is harder with kids (I did that too with my first addict who I divorced when they were 6 and 1) but sometimes it is better for the addict to work this out in a single state rather than in the marital home.
You will find out what his commitment level is to sobriety and authentic recovery by what he does with his relapse on his own.
You know all this... you are well on your way to becoming the healthy, whole and happy woman your HP intends you to be and your recovery sounds so strong!!!
We married the same guy... just different names... same MO... I hit the eject buttom once the boundaries were violated.
Worked for me. Whatever happens you are in my prayers. Be strong... more will be revealed.