I'm so sorry, I just went through this, too. Almost could have written this myself. Had the exact same immediate reactions. I know. It does feel good to see our own growth, peace and happiness still intact.
It's heartbreaking. The whole thing. The sickness, the damage, the pain. I would be very easy on yourself. Take it a day at a time. Do the work on yourself and let the answers come. There is no hurry.
Big hug!