I understand what you mean about wanting to kill the beast and to be afraid of it.
What I realized this morning, hungover and fed up, is that successfully quitting drinking is a consquence of making the firm, and profoundly life-changing decision that you will never let the beast control you again.
It can rage all it wants, and the content of what its saying is irrelevant - the purpose remains the same. It will say anything to try to get you to feed it alcohol. So forget the message it sends, and remember that its not what YOU want, its what IT wants. Nothing to fear if you dont give it power.