In time you will know what to do. It takes some longer then others. I know for a fact had I not found SR I would still be clueless and hanging on to hope. It sounds like so much of your life has been sad for so long. Look inside you and relaize you are worth it, you are worthy of happiness and peace and you deserve to be loved. Addicts can't provide that. Take the first step toward the rest of your life. Move on. It hurts like hell, you will second guess yourself a million times. Eventually....you heal and you will wonder what you ever saw in him in the first place. I know because that is what I had to do. Hugs.