Mainza, I so understand what you are saying. I have also been on a roller coaster of sobriety and drinking, sobriety and drinking. I have found too that the more times I try to quit, the harder it becomes. It's such a scary place to be
Yes, sobriety is more than just not drinking....I am finding this out the hard way. I know how to "not drink" and I've done it for a week, a month, 3 months - heck I even had an 18month stretch! But I always go back to drinking...becuase I'm not truly working on being sober. I'm only working on "not drinking".