Why do I have trouble accepting unacceptable behavior? Wouldn't life be easier if I just was able to overlook the alcohol problem and just let the chips fall where they may? DUI again, no problem. Drunk and passed out on the floor again, no problem. Blaming me for the drinking, no problem. I guess I just wish I could say: NO PROBLEM to everything yet, I realize it's all about acceptance. Awareness was easy. Accepting him for being an A, I get that part too. But, accepting my life where it is right now and where it might be headed. WHEW, that's where it blows my mind and my serenity.
There is no such thing as accepting unacceptable behavior. If you accept it, it is not unacceptable
to you. Acceptance is acknowledging that what he is, is what he is. You really have no choice other than to accept that because there is nothing you can do to change that.
No one expects you to accept where
you are right now or where
your life is going if you stay in the marriage. Whatever you decide you cannot live with is unacceptable behavior
to you. If you stay, knowing everything you know, then the behavior might be unacceptable to someone else, but it obviously is not unacceptable to you.
I'm not sure what else to say. You have stated that you would leave if he drank again. So, you have evidence that he is drinking. You either hold to your boundary or you don't. If you don't, your boundaries are meaningless. It's time to make that decision.