I had been trying to keep it down to a few drinks a night for the past year, and was successful a good portion of that time. But for me it was always that one night, where I just kept going because the 'ticker' in my head fell asleep and forgot to make the rest of my brain stop...
I'm furious that I can't have any alcohol at all. The fury then goes away quickly, like when you throw paper on a bonfire, and what's left is just sadness.
But then I think I'm still alive, I still have a job, have my health, and some people who love me. And I didn't have this demon riding me until my last day, so I guess I should stop feeling sad all of the time and occasionally feel blessed.
:hugs: least that's what I'm trying to do...