Anxiety
I starting journaling Tuesday with an app on my phone. I was just writing a little and went to read back through one from the other day. I instantly was filled with this overwhelming anxiety. I'm not sure why, I have a few theories but I'm not certain. I have the same feeling after I post here sometimes too so part of me thinks it is driven by the fear of ABF finding this place or my journal (it is password protected but if he ever happens to find the app in my folders he will flip wanting the password). He is so unstable and it def makes me nervous. As I am thinking I start to wonder if maybe I feel so much aniexty about my notes and postings because they speak my 100% honest truth and the fact that's it written down and available for me to read back through means I can't keep pushing it all back and ignoring them. It validates them and that obviously sends me into panic. I almost feel guilty for having the thoughts and feelings I have, like someone is going to tell me they are wrong. How did I let myself get so twisted up in the mess. .....