hey pearl, i just wanted to say that you're neither stupid nor weak. you're an alcoholic like us. none of us here are stupid and weak. we're alcoholics. most of us are pretty intelligent, hard working, caring, strong people. we're just alcoholics. and that's ok. you're even better. you're a young alcoholic. a young alcoholic who isn't in denial. you've got an amazing gift there. time. you're going to have more time in recovery and less time in active alcoholism and that is just amazing because people don't get time back. so in a way you're lucky. very lucky. you're not just telling yourself "i'm young, i'm in college! of course i drink!" many an alcoholic squandered years of their life saying that. the words chance but the tune stays the same. "i'm young! it's a high pressure job! of course i drink!" "i'm stressed at home! my family drives me crazy! of course i drink!" so don't be down on yourself. you're the farthest thing from stupid and weak. to see what you see already and at such a young age? you are amazingly perceptive, smart and strong to be taking on such a task. i wish i had been.