lizloh

Why do I feel guilty for asking for what I am entitled to?
We are 10% shareholder of a pizzeria, opened just after we were married. We moved out of state to open, I was his chauffer for 5 years when he had no license due to DUIx2. I am finding myself feeling bad for him. He is a 'poor money manager' by my measure. We make about 50,000 a year combined. Maybe more with profit checks monthly. Yet we have debt (either of us had a credit card until recently and we only got one for dental, one at an appliance store for washer dryer) I DO NOT spend money on myself, have an outdated wardrobe. He buys whatever the hell he wants. He mentions it, one week later he has it.
I feel very guilty asking for 50% of the value of the business and also 50% of the profits monthly for the rest of my life. WHY?? I know I am entitled to it, I just find myself saying, I would be mad too if I was him and had to share my $
I also tell myself, I would NOT have put my spouse through what he has put me through. I would NEVER lie the way he does, he NEVER (is unable) to tell the hard-truths. So is it part of me being co-dependent that wants to show mercy? I don't REALLY fully understand MY personal co-dependency.
I feel like this whole process is pointing out to me that I am a good person. To a fault. I am honest, EVEN when it is difficult. I am caring, even though he has lied lied lied to me. I try and treat him with respect (so hard sometimes but lately, now that I know I will be free it has been easier) even though he will have angry/hurt outbursts and call me stupid, yell and swear at me. I have sympathy, even though he has had none for me. What in the hell is wrong with me hahaha
Also, any idea how long it takes for separation papers in the US?