Originally Posted by
FireSprite 
I'm confused too Liz - I've been following your posts & I don't understand at all how ANY marriage counselor can help you if he refuses to address his issues & you haven't even decided that you WANT to save the marriage. I don't understand what goal you are working toward?
And For what it's worth, I agree with Lillamy that it sounds like he will just continue to find fault with every counselor that tries to make him take responsibility for himself. Just my .02.
I guess I'm looking to see if that gets pointed out to him at some point. When asked to work on his issues, he looked at the therapist and said, "Why don't you tell me how to do this? I don't know how." The therapist said, "It's going to take hard work." At that point, the subject got changed and we were off on another tangent by AH.
What I'm hoping for is to find a therapist who helps us get to the root of the problems for AH and for me, as well. If we can both have our shortcomings revealed to us and decide what we can and can't(or aren't willing to) change, then I'll have a clearer picture over what our future might look like and what direction I want to take.
I am not ready to walk away, not yet. I am willing to put in effort to get myself healthy and, in doing so, I'm hoping to gain a healthy marriage,too. Maybe I'm living in fantasy land again, but I still believe this can be fixed. Call me crazy, but I get great practice in living with him and I can easily see my part in how things got out of hand. I wasn't responsible for his drinking, his depression, his DUI, etc but I am responsible for being a doormat and for accepting the unacceptable behavior in the past. Learning how to do what's right me is key and being in the marriage actively gives me practice.