This is a tough one. I'm assuming there's NO domestic violence issue. Here's some tough experience.
Your xAH at least tried to come back into his life (regardless of lack of apology or entitlement). Don't keep your son from your xAH in order to try to force him to deal with the child support or other issues you have with him. It's contrary to practically every course on how divorcing parents ought to behave for the benefit of their kids. Check with a family lawyer who knows or represented you, because it could be contrary to any visitation or parenting time order unless the supervised visitation rules say something else about it. I'm also guessing it will make child support enforcement harder, not easier. That doesn't mean that xAH can do as he please or pop up on a whim AND mess with your son's schedule or the like, or do an end-run on the supervisor overseeing the visit.
Anyway, no kid should be in the middle, as a weapon or trophy.
Also, nothing we do causes the A to drink or use and nothing we do can cure or control the A. Using a child to try to control the A is classic, serious, codependent, distorted thinking and doing JUST LIKE using and drinking and misbehaving is on the A's part.
It's NOT you, it's the family disease that's affecting your behavior. All "Al-Anonics" suffer from it. We've been there just like you.
Tell your son that the xAH is sick, is not well, has a bubu that makes him not do the right things and has something that he can't overcome without help. Tell him that you, son, didn't cause him to be that way. He loves you, but is not well enough to show you in many ways. But he and I do love you. You are important. You matter a lot to both of us.
In no way is any of this passing any judgment on you, blaming you or shaming. It is what happens to us at the hands of this terrible disease.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-they-do.html
Strength and serenity to you.
