Yesterday was rough; the shame, guilt, and self-loathing made we want to die many times over, but I began trying to love myself and forgive myself as I would a friend who made a similar mistake.
Today I'm doing a little better, and I have to because it's my daughter's first day ever at school; there's no room for my self-pity or loathing.
Luckily on Thursday we're leaving for Disney World. Though I'm not emotionally in the high-spirits to be going, I know I won't be tempted to drink so the first weekend going sober again will be easier.
It's time to reaffirm my BP: "I will never drink again and I will never change my mind."
I do have some insight into how I started drinking again a month or so ago; it was the beast playing the "I'm sooo depressed" game and fooling me into thinking a drink would help. I need to be better ready for these attacks, especially when they come after having a long time without any urge to drink.