Cocteau

I had been quitting off & on for a few years. Then last April, after one night of going overboard and getting into a fight with a friend, the guilt was enough to kick my ass into sobriety for a few over 3 months. And those 3 months were great.

Then one night the beast attacked me hard and I gave in and had a few drinks. Over the past month or so it's progressed more and more until now I'm back to having a drinking problem that's interfering with my life.

I'm pretty much just a weekend drinker. During the week, I'm a happy sober person, but come Friday night I forget all the pain alcohol cause me the previous weekend, I buy some beer, and the nightmare begins. I'll drink heavily during the night, often doing stupid things I regret the next morning, wake up hung-over, and then start drinking again on Saturday night. Sunday I go clean again and gradually return to being my normal self.

This weekend was worse than most. I started drinking on Friday night, then I went over a friend's house (and he's got a drinking problem too), and we drank until 5am; then we woke up around noon, went to a bar and drank again. I came home yesterday afternoon, fell asleep on the couch, and didn't wake up until 6am on Sunday. I can't continue living like this. My poor wife and daughter; luckily my daughter is young enough to not fully know what's wrong with Daddy.

I wish there was a way to kill the part of me that drinks; if I could put a knife in his heart, I would. Heck, I've often wanted to kill all of me (ie. suicide) to solve the problem, but it's not an option since the most important thing for me is providing for my wife and daughter.

It's easy enough for my to quit drinking today - "I'll will never drink again" - but I'm afraid of next Friday.