I too, was about to post and found the help I needed from your post tonight. I filed 4 months ago and exactly the same thing is happening. It's so hard because our kids are devastated by the divorce. Now that he's in recovery, attending meetings, goint to therapists, being drug tested by therapist and probation officer, our boys hate me b/c Daddy's back and I'm still going through with the divorce. It's extremely hard to finally hear the words I wanted to hear for so long and see the actions I wanted to see now and I start questionning myself. Maybe this time, he will recover, if I give him one more chance, my boys would be happy. But then I think of how many years I felt trapped. I never want to feel that way again. How I was fooled to the point that I need to rebuild trust in myself. Yesterday was my 40th birthday and he decided to have a heart to heart of what a wonderful woman I am and took full responsibility for his actions. I told him that the reality is that if I asked myself today if I would marry him knowing what I know and the answer is NO. When I look back over the last 4 years, I feel like I was holding on to an 18 wheeler speeding downhill at over 150 mph and I kept haning on to the bumber, being mangled and grasping for the back of the truck every time I let go I would grab hold again for another beating and in the end I saw the brick wall in front of the truck and I LET GO AND PRAYED TO GOD THAT HE WOULDN'T HIT THE WALL. I don't know what my future holds, but for today, I will not compromise my sanity or my children's well being for anyone. We've been through to much to listen to words. Only time and actions will tell.