Thank you for responding to my posts. Sometimes this all gets overwhelming. It's nice to know there is others that have these days to and can relate to what I'm going through and understand.
When i first started here on SR I heard many times that the easy part is getting the addict to stop taking the drugs and the hard part was the recovery. I didn't really understand that. I thought well if AH would just put down the drugs he would be fine. Oh boy is that the farthest thing from the truth!!!
My husband just received his one year chip and he is working on step 3. He attends one meeting every week and he has a sponsor. I also attend naranon once a week, go to counseling and read books about codependency. We have both done alot of work in our recovery. We have come a long way individually, however we struggle when it comes to our marriage.
At this one year mark I guess I’m just alittle discouraged that we haven't made more progress. A year ago i thought everything would be fine if he would stop using. Then after a few months everything would be "normal" (whatever that is) and it hasn't been that way. I try not to have expectations and take each day as it comes. The last six months I think I've made great progress in that.
Kyles and emptyshell thank you for your kind words. Sometimes we make our recovery in codependency about the addict. The best and healthiest way to recover is to know that our recovery is ours! It is in my opinion, the one thing that was a blessing in all of this addiction garbage. I realized I contributed to this and now I have an opportunity to work on it. I get the opportunity to better myself and add to my life.
I lovemysonJJ I like your teacup analogy. We all fill our teacups up all too often. I think that’s a great reminder. When we take on too much then it really opens the door for us to get overwhelmed. I can see how that has happened for me. Thanks for giving me that reminder!
Englishgarden your posts are always filled with such insight and wisdom. My husband was a functioning addict. He went to work, he paid his bills, he appeared on the outside to have it all together, however he was an empty shell on the inside. . . .walking around like a robot. He had checked out when it came to being a husband and father to me and our son. I had major rose colored glasses.
So when you say "they look normal" that really hits home with me. Our family and friends had no idea nor did I hell. Then when I discovered he was an addict everyone acted as if it must not be that bad. So now that he is 1 year clean they act as if I should be the happiest woman on the planet that my husband has been clean for a year. I feel guilty sometimes that our marriage isn't in a good place yet. After all has been clean for a year.
I feel that I am a strong person and I get aggravated with myself that I don't trust more and love more. It seems so simple yet so impossible at times. I guess it makes me think there's something wrong with me or that I may never be able to feel this way and that I should move on. IDK it just seems so unnatural.
For today I will let go and enjoy the day with my husband and son. Try and laugh and have fun and keep my eyes open and stay in tuned to what life is trying to show me.