My therapist shared with me once that a relationship has a chance of "working" if
1. both people are in recovery (or working on recovery)
2. neither person is in recovery because they feed each others dysfunction
but that it is incredibly hard to have one in recovery and another not in recovery in a relationship.
My loved one did not choose recovery, and I am grateful and blessed that I did. I wished I had realized sooner that his recovery was not my business, and I did not have a say over it. It might have lessoned the "what ifs" and helped me remove myself from the situation sooner. I do better if I phrase it as remove myself as it puts my safety and wellbeing first (as it should be).